The Cost of Caring

This blog is intended for therapists and other caregiving professionals. I am writing with their needs in mind.

As therapists, we are acutely aware of the pressures and challenges of the holiday season. While we support our clients and communities through this time of the year, we must treat ourselves with the same grace and consideration we offer those we serve. Our challenging family members, financial obligations, employers, etc., don’t take the season off.

We do what we do because we care and are grateful for the opportunity to support our clients.

However, our commitment and passion don’t mean we are impervious to life’s challenges. I believe therapists can fall victim to what I’ve coined as the “Teflon Mr. Rodgers” phenomenon. Counselors are often considered “nice people in cardigans” who like to help folks. (Don’t misunderstand me; I love people and a comfy oversized sweater :). There are expectations that we are endlessly calm and marginally professionals. (We often fail to receive credit for the educational rigor required to enter our field. These educational experiences are usually accompanied by student debt… But this is a different blog for another day.)

The common assumptions about therapists’ innate kindness and humanitarian natures can be used to deny counselors of our humanity. A week before Thanksgiving 2023, a family member told me I shouldn’t be overwhelmed by life circumstances or a lack of support because, as a therapist, I should “have the skills” to handle things. Although it was likely brushed aside, I spoke up for myself and educated this person to the contrary. This is why I encourage therapists to always remember advocacy starts at home.

Our boundaries and standards are valid. As we hold space for others, we need support, compassion, and consideration. Our training and skills don’t remove family drama, grief, loss, or heartache. So, my fellow therapist, if you are having a particularly challenging time during this holiday season, please know I am thinking of you and wishing you comfort. You are allowed to be “just getting by.”

I understand what many others don’t; while you may struggle to show up for yourself, you will find a way to show up for your clients and those who rely on you. You will use every skill in your toolbox to stay afloat even if you don’t have the life raft of community during this season of life. I see you making sacrifices and holding back your tears while you help wipe away those of others.

Please take a step back when you need to. Conserve your energy whenever you can and accept help if available. Limit other’s access to you. Be honest with your friends and family about your limitations. It’s okay if you can’t be a sounding board or offer advice (aka “free therapy”) this time of the year. If appropriate, see your therapist and other medical professionals. Your care comes at a cost, even though it’s a joyful labor. Please remember to value your contribution to the world.

To all my fellow therapists, thank you for all you do and all you give.

Happy Holidays to You and Yours!