It’s The Most …. Yeah, It’s Just The “Most” Season of All.
Yes… And of the Holidays.
I “make it through” the holiday season and for me, that’s enough. Since my mother passed 2009, I have a complicated relationship with this time of year. I feel loss more intensely, competing priorities seem to urgently collide, and it’s easier to believe I’m not doing and being enough. (Aaaand it’s cold and darker and I need to make geographic changes… but I digress)
This might not be your experience, you may rock out the holidays. I commend you. In all honesty, my holidays aren’t all challenges. I encounter joy, gratitude, and deep appreciation. But still…it’s complicated.
The harder I’ve tried to “just be grateful” and “just trust be happy”, the more I’ve felt inadequate and insufficient. Like, why am I struggling in the first place??? All my needs are met, mom’s been gone over a decade, I have friends and family that love me and my children. Wrestling will all the “shoulds and shouldn’ts” only resulted in shame and frustration.
I had to learn to accept “all” of my feelings and accepting none as more true than another. Yes,
I’m grateful for the love and community in my life.
I have opportunities and accomplishments I appreciate.
I’m blessed to have so much of what I need and want.
And it’s also true,
My mother is the queen of my heart and my grief reflects a portion of me no earthly experience can fulfill.
My best friend is gone too soon and I will long for her irreplaceable physical presence as long as I’m alive.
There is an overwhelming and societal push to buy it all, give it all, and do it all in approximately 45 days.
It’s in accepting all my experiences and allowing all my emotions, I’m growing more able to get through this time of year with grace and perspective. I encourage you to do the same.
Each emotion and experience is valid. Your joy, sadness, excitement, exhaustion, connection, and loneliness all deserve a place of honor at the table of your life.
Even while you learn to accept the full spectrum of your being, you may need additional support and care. Reach out to people who haven proven they have the capacity to accept your pleasant and unpleasant feelings. Increase intentional rest whenever possible. Do what fills you up.
If you find yourself burdened by sadness or hopeless, please know you’re not alone. This time of year can simply hurt. There is no shame in needing skilled support and professional help. I’m a therapist who has and will see a therapist whenever I need the support.
I’m wishing you restoration and foundational peace that extends beyond seasons and circumstance.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a crisis call 988 or go to your nearest emergency room.